I was at the store, thinking about buying a banana. I never buy more than one banana at a time, that’s just a rule I’ve always stuck to. It takes the better part of the afternoon for me to choose the right banana, and since you and I are good friends, it’s probably a time-consuming process for you as well. So I made this handy guide of my experience, maybe we can learn from it and improve our methods together!
1. The Lone Wolf
I noticed this little guy off on his own, which immediately caught my attention. The color looked strong and vibrant. Bit too much of a curve, but that can be overlooked. Still, the fact that it was all alone threw up too many red flags. Why was he separated from his bunch? I don’t want to buy a reject, so I had to move on.
2. The Cowgirl
This sassy nanner fell off of a bunch I had picked up to examine. She bounced around like she was riding a wild horse, so I could tell there was a lot of personality in there! I wondered if fate had chosen this one for me. There was no sign of Stem Trauma, and I saw no reason why it should have fallen off the bunch. I almost grabbed it immediately, but noticed a heartbreaking bruise on the peel. [Not shown here, didn’t want to embarass or shame the banana for something it couldn’t control – ed]
3. Shining Star
In this good looking bunch, one Shining Star stood out among the rest.
You guessed it! Wow, take a look at that one! My heart nearly skipped a beat. Alas, I had to stop myself. The banana I purchase this trip will be unceremoniously tossed into a bagged lunch and eaten as a snack. A mere afterthought. This banana deserved so much more than the fate I had in mind. With a tear in my eye, I moved on. In that instant I learned that there is such a thing as too perfect, and I didn’t deserve it.
4. Baby Nanners!
Oh my pickled petunias look at those adorable little fellas! I thought maybe there was a mistake at the banana factory and chuckled to myself, but then I noticed the sticker said BABY on it! I had NO IDEA that baby bananas could be bought, and it threw me for a loop. These would be perfect for snacking! Then, the realization hit me. Baby or full-grown, bananas are sold by the pound. By my calculations, the banana-to-peel-and-stem ratio is HIGHLY weighted to the grocer in this scenario. What I briefly thought was a wonderful and whimsical find was quickly revealed to be a marketing scheme. Heartbreaking.
5. The Bananas That Weren’t
While I was reeling from the sudden realization that the Big Banana Industry doesn’t have my best interests in mind I became a little disoriented. When I came to, I was face to face with these strange bananas. The sight of another new banana product excited me, but I had become jaded. so I put on my Banana Detector Vision 5000 goggles and sure enough…
Taters! I couldn’t get too mad about this, it was my own fault for getting turned around. I put away my goggles and continued my search.
6. The Hunter
I almost didn’t even see this one! It was camouflaged and hidden against the banana hangers. I must admit, this one intrigued me and looked delicious. But, I figured if the banana went to that much trouble to hide, it must have a bigger purpose, and I am not one to get in the way of destiny.
7. The Déjà Vu
This banana caught my eye and I thought I had found the one! I didn’t remember it being there before, but as soon as I picked it up, I saw a familiar bruise on the peel. Cowgirl! What are you doing over here?! Then I noticed an old lady on the other side of the banana bin, haphazardly rummaging through the bananas, tossing them about like old chicken bones. No respect. I placed Cowgirl back, bruise side down, and wished her the best.
Well friend, I didn’t buy a banana. None of them felt quite right. Also the store was closing. As I write this, reliving my experience I wonder if I did the best I could. Did I do the right thing? The only thing I can do is accept how things turned out, learn from it, and move on. Anyway I hope this helps! If you have any banana choosing tips, I’d love to hear them! Till next time!